Funny golf quotes

50 Funny Golf Quotes: Humorous Insights on the Game

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More than just a game, golf has the power to unite people and create moments that will last a lifetime. Funny things start to happen as the players make their way around the course.

In this article, I will present over 50 funny golf quotes that reflect the sport's lighter side.

These quotes from famous golfers and celebrities remind us to enjoy the moments on and off the course.

Whether you’re a seasoned player or just starting out, these humorous insights can add a laugh to your next round.

Top 50+ Funny Golf Quotes ⛳

  1. "Golf is a good walk spoiled." - Mark Twain
  2. "I'm the best. I just haven't played yet." - Muhammed Ali.
  3. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan.
  4. "Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot." - David Marr
  5. "I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
  6. "We learn so many things from golf - how to suffer, for instance." - Bruce Lansky
  7. "I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's game: it's called an eraser." - Arnold Palmer.
  8. "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." - Dean Martin.
  9. "If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age." - Thomas Mulligan
  10. "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Wodehouse
  11. "It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling." - Mark Twain.
  12. "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle.
  13. "It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course." - Hank Aaron.
  14. "The difference between golf and government is that in golf, you can't improve your lie."- George Deukmejian.
  15. "Right near the end I'll put a flat piece with a little flag to give you f**kin hope." - Robin Williams as the drunk Scotsman who invented golf.
  16. "My drinking team has a golfing problem." - Unknown
  17. "Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man's sins." - James Barrett Reston
  18. "Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap." - Bobby Nicholas.
  19. "A bad day of golf is 100 times better than a good day at work." - Unkown
  20. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls." - Unknown
  21. "When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit." - Wives of many golfers
  22. "Golf is such an exciting game. Whack the ball, get in the cart. Whack the ball, get in the cart." - Robin Williams
  23. "The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." - Phyllis Diller
  24. "Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off." - Bruce Lansky
  25. "Actually, the only time I ever took out a one–iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that." - Jim Murray
  26. "Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex–wife." - Bruce Lansky
  27. "I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead." - Bob Hope
  28. "I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it." - Ewan McGregor
  29. "The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law." - H.G. Wells
  30. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air." - Jack Benny
  31. "Ever watch golf on TV? It’s like watching flies f**k.” - George Carlin
  32. "They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken." - Raymond Floyd.
  33. "Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated" - Arnold Palmer.
  34. "You don't know what pressure is until you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket."- Lee Trevino.
  35. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." - Jack Lemmon.
  36. "Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five." - Paul Harvey.
  37. "Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well." - Anonymous.
  38. "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." - Winston Churchill.
  39. "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose." - Gerald Ford.
  40. "Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill–designed for the purpose." - Winston Churchill.
  41. "Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do." - Bruce Crampton.
  42. "If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron." - Lee Trevino.
  43. "It's not hard to keep your ball in the fairway, so long as you're not picky about which fairway." - Unknown.
  44. "On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the golf tournament. - "The rest of the field. - Roger Maltbie
  45. "Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them." - Roy' Tin Cup' McAvoy.
  46. "If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." - Bob Hope.
  47. "The only sure rule in golf is that he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie."-Mickey Mantle.
  48. "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford.
  49. "Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff." - David Feherty.
  50. "The manly sport of golf where you can dress like a pimp and no one will care." - Robin Williams.
  51. "Think of the brains it takes to play golf: hitting a ball with a crooked stick, walking after it, and then hitting it again. I say pick it up a$$ hole. You're lucky you found it. Put it in your pocket and go the f**ck home, will ya?" - George Carlin.
  52. "Show me a man with a great golf game, and I'll show you a man who has been neglecting something." - John F. Kennedy.
  53. "Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course... the space between your ears." - Bobby Jones.
  54. "Golf?! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left, and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks." - Anonymous.
  55. "There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing." - Anonymous.
  56. "The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course." - Billy Graham.